Have you ever felt like the more effort you put toward being “happy,” the less happy you become? You’re not alone. It’s a known phenomenon called the happiness paradox.

While this paradox has been acknowledged, it hasn’t been fully understood. But a new study from the University of Toronto has shed some light on this contentment conundrum.

For the study, researchers surveyed participants and discovered that those who reported habitually pursuing happiness also demonstrated less self-control in their daily lives. Researchers then conducted experiments that focused on tasks considered to be happiness-seeking, as well as mundane tasks not associated with happiness.

Researchers concluded that the energy expended in the pursuit of happiness puts a unique strain on mental resources. In turn, those who focus on being happy end up with depleted willpower and self-control.

The result is that they are too mentally exhausted to do the things that make them happy, or they end up making choices that deplete rather than build happiness.

Those who actively pursue and constantly monitor their own happiness can end up left without the mental resources to do things that make them happy. The drain comes from trying to actively make yourself feel different, rather than going with the flow.

Researchers said this doesn’t mean people should never try to be happy. But they said happiness is less like money — something you can acquire and hoard — and more like sand on the beach. You can grab a handful of sand and hold it but the tighter your grip, the more it slips away.

So, to be happy, simply stop trying so hard to be happy. Happy?